A Doctor’s Perspective
As an OB/gyn, I have the privilege to walk alongside women as they navigate their journey to motherhood. It is my job to provide medical counseling and assistance - but it is the patient herself who takes on the monumental task of making, birthing and raising another human. Everyday, I am amazed at how women embrace this task. Pregnancy (and parenthood) are both beautiful and hard, but time and again, women step up. It’s so impressive.
In my years of practice, I’ve learned so much from the women I treat- lessons that were only solidified when I became a mother myself. The challenges that we all face in the early years are almost universal - issues that I encounter at almost every postpartum or gynecology visit, but to each patient, can seem isolating and overwhelming. While I am definitely no expert in parenting, I like to share with my patients a few pearls I’ve gathered along the way. They may seem obvious or cliched, but I have found that oftentimes women need reminding….
Give yourself some grace. We all want to be the perfect parent- to give our kiddos the best of everything. But life often doesn’t allow for perfection - and that’s ok. Let your house be a little messy, accept that it’s going to be McDonalds for dinner tonight, don’t feel guilty about staying late at work last week. Take a deep breath and embrace the chaos, Your kids are going to be just fine.
Take care of yourself. Being a mom can be exhausting, and by the time we are done taking care of everyone else, there is usually no time left in the day for ourselves. I always hear women acknowledge that self care is important so they can take care of their family - this is true. But self care is also important because women are worthy and deserve time for themselves. So go to your own doctors appointments, get a massage, or walk around target by yourself…you deserve it!
Ask for help if you need it. There is no shame in leaning on others - especially in the early years when sleep deprivation and anxiety run rampant. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed - I see it all the time. And it’s hard for women to talk about things like depression and anxiety while trying to be the strong parent at the same time. But know that we want you to talk about it. Needing help is not a weakness, we all need help. So if you are feeling overwhelmed, talk to your family, friends, or your doctor. We are here for you and we want to help.
Don’t compare yourself to others. If you start comparing, you will almost assuredly find someone who is doing things “better”than you. So it’s great that your child’s classmate only eats organic, or that #supermom on instagram raises her kids with no screen time. If that’s you, then great! If it’s not you, then great! You do you…you’re doing an amazing job either way!!!
Take time to enjoy your kids. This is probably the most important piece of advice I could give any parent and is something that I learned personally during the early years of my career. I had my daughter in my last year of residency and her first year was hard for me. Balancing breast feeding, new motherhood, and the challenges of a demanding job, was rough. I missed a lot in that first year including first steps and first words , and I was devastated. Soon after, I decided to make some major changes. I downshifted to part time and traded my hospital shifts for clinic. I took a pay cut for sure, but it gave me the physical and mental bandwidth to be present for my kids. For me, this was the best decision I made as a parent. When it comes to career, everyone needs to make the decision that best suits their needs - the family needs food, the bills need to get paid. But if you WANT to and can deprioritize work, don’t feel guilty. You worked hard to make these kids…you deserve to enjoy them.
So to all you moms out there…I salute you! Stand tall and take pride in the work that you do. Know that every sleepless night you have, every soccer game you cheer for, every award ceremony you attend, don’t go unnoticed. There are a million and one ways to parent and no one way is “the right way” (no matter what social media tells us). Be proud of your successes (no matter how small they may seem), accept your mistakes (we’re all going to make them) and enjoy the journey. You may not always feel this way…but you’re doing a great job!!!
Written by Doctor Kari, OB/GYN, Mother and Friend
